two months since my last journal post. and i don't even remember which girl i was lamenting. time is crazy and apparently crazy is the word of the year. off to bumbershoot to hang out with my uncle and see the pixies later tonight. holiday.
  • Current Music
    Bob Dylan -- "Gotta Serve Somebody"

a girl.

about a girl. man, i guess i do like her. crazy. and yes, there is more feeling than hanging out — i really like her. we were supposed to hang out today, but she did not call and i am not sure why. but things have been super fun besides that. hopefully things will keep progressing — because feelings have developed and i’m excited about her. so, we will see.
  • Current Music
    Ben Folds -- "Wandering"


"I decided that it was not wisdom that enabled [poets] to write their poetry, but a kind of instinct or inspiration, such as you find in seers and prophets who deliver all their sublime messages without knowing in the least what they mean." - Socrates

waiting for inspiration. i want to feel inspired. to create with my mind, voice, hands, body. to bring the best out of others through art, music, love, friendship, sport. will inspiration find me? or is it waiting for me to make the first move?

does god want me to move? will he find me where i am at? are we in a cosmic game of chicken? spiritual thumbwars? a huge transcendental game of chess? some celestial dodgeball?
  • Current Music
    The Flaming Lips - "It's Summertime"

roller coaster.

i think my favorite phrase right now is "wax poetry" -- it's good stuff, try it sometime. i am an emotional roller coaster. chicks are the main reason, but really the blame goes to my overactive imagination. you have a few great dates, hanging out with a cool girl, and your mind starts racing and expectations start moving 100 mph in your head and boom -- something falls through and you end up cuddling with a bottle of whiskey on the couch. imagination.
  • Current Music
    Teitur - "Sleeping With The Lights On"


sunday drive.
it just takes time.
road trip.
trauma in the head.
nap riding shotgun.

you make me excited to be alive.
the hope in your smile,
illuminates the room.
the caring innocence in your voice,
my joy in your eye,
as bright as the moon.
  • Current Music
    Nada Surf - "Blonde on Blonde"

the show.

gotta love how life works. last night i was able to enjoy an amazing show put on by the band, my morning jacket at the showbox. and with an amazing girl, let's call her gwen. i call her that because it's her name, and i just wanted to write "let's call her" cause it's funny. and things between my best friend are amazing again also. maybe it's the weather. hmm...

procrastinating on a research paper due next monday, i replied to all my email and mixed 2 CD's on the positive tip, though. music truly fuels the soul. if you want to peep a sweet album, check out the frames newest, for the birds. delicious pop.
  • Current Music
    The Frames - "Santa Maria"

the aftermath.

the answer. my world awaits an answer. and the answer was "no" -- we walked, we talked, we patched things up in the aftermath. she was flattered, yet didn't share my feelings of a future with me.

so where do we go from here? well, we made sure things were all good from here on out. that we can still talk anytime, about anything & anyone -- so i brought up bward (my best friend and the third member of the bizarre love triangle) and we talked about him. she brought up gwen, my super cute acquaintance (who i ironically met through bward), who i said i didn't know that well, and she said the same about the bward. tdawg mentioned that bward was scared i would kill him after finding out, which i said that we already had worked through, which is the truth. and we left it at that. bward and i are playing music tomorrow together, and things are good. things between us will be great again soon, after the awkward phase passes of bward being afraid of talking about tdawg with me.

anyhoo, enough about this situation. i am frickin' tired of talking about it. i haven't slept much at all this week, and tonight am playing poker and sipping a gin & tonic with some good friends and soaking my wounds. i might meet up with some friends for dancing at a club later, so things are looking up. but still alone with my thoughts.
  • Current Music
    Franz Ferdinand - "Darts Of Pleasure"

kind of.

so i told her. kind of. thank you for the comments on my ongoing quandary, i welcome them and future discussion on the matter as it is far from resolved. so back to the "kind of", so i made a card for her thursday night and went for a run. on the run i came up with a poem which i later included on the card and mailed it to my crush friday morning. no word from her yet, but the poem is below:

"When I woke up this morning
and the day was new.
When I thought of a friend,
I thought of you.

So as the sun sets tonight
I want you to see,
You are the most beautiful person
in the world to me."

yes, somewhat cheesy and hallmarkish, yet one friend has said the poem was bold and upfront. but it was what i was feeling inside, and the feelings were clinched when she called me up out of the blue thursday afternoon to say "hi" which was perfect. simply perfect. exactly what i needed. and it in turn stirred the feelings and spawned the card. why do feelings have to get in the way of normalcy in life? why do dogs and bees smell fear? yeah, so we'll see what happens.

and i'll leave you with a funny story: tonight i went to happy hour at the GBG with my roommate greg, our friend darryl and my mom and dad (who if you haven't met, you haven't met some of the most funnest people God ever created). greg's girlfriend nicole was our server. and good times definitely went down in the greenlake neighborhood. so i decided it was my goal was to have my mom do an irish car bomb with greg and i by the end of the night. and within 10 minutes of sitting down the guinness and baileys were ready to drop and shoot . . . now, needlesstosay, i explained the in's and out's of the irish car bomb to my mom before we did the deed, and after greg, darryl and i had slammed our glasses down, we look up and see my mom sipping her's and a moderate to slow speed. we all yell for her to speed up threatening the rumor that the baileys will curdle unless taken as a shot, she stopped her moderate to slow sipping of the shot and said she can't be rushed. freakin hilarious. i almost fell out of my chair laughing . . . two minutes later she finished, saying the bailey's officially did curdle, putting to rest the rumor of the baileys curdling and establishing it as a fact and cementing the good times down in history with peggy downing a car bomb with her son and his roommate. it's now history. you can't change that crap. history.
  • Current Music
    Rocky Votolato - "The Light and The Sound"

the world wide web.

yes, the world wide web, the "internet" just doesn't have the flair that the world wide web does. crap, the word "online" can't even hang out with the world wide web and go get a burger. remember the movie "the net" with sandra bullock? man, that movie was the commodore 64 of computer hacker movies. and it doesn't even have the retro appeal of tron. just a bad idea altogether. almost as bad an idea as r.kelly buying a video camera.

and you can't really segue from any r.kelly joke -- this is what i get for writing this in the middle of the night -- that and i like whiskey.
  • Current Music
    Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Maps